I have finally realised it: I have been working at cross purposes with
you o my God. I am so sorry. I bring repentance before you. You taught us in
your word: After this manner
therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy
kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven Mt 6:9-10(KJV). I have been
mouthing that prayer, but have craved for my
name to be hallowed. In many ways I have cried, “My father in heaven, hallowed be my own name. My kingdom come, my will
be done on earth.”
When other people are mentioned in the congregation, and their
successes announced, a frown forms in my heart. “Why is it them and not I?” I ask, so quickly omitting and
forgetting many un deserved mercies granted me. I have no appetite to read what
other saints have done in writings we have contributed to, only in seeing my
own work. Indeed the error of the Pharisees is found in my members. Look at the straps with scripture verses on them which
they wear on their foreheads and arms, and notice how large they are! Notice also
how long are the tassels on their cloaks!
They love the best places at feasts and the reserved seats in the
synagogues; they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to
have people call them 'Teacher.' Mt 23:5-7 (GNB). O how I have sought to be quoted and celebrated. I make light of the
contribution of others, and make much of their mistakes.
I hardly wait for another to finish talking; I love to be heard. I am
slow to listen, and quick to speak. Teach me to be quick to
listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry Jas
1:19(ISV). How I have quarrelled because (to me) I was
not duly acknowledged, yet I claim the work is unto you saying “To God be the glory”. Like Elijah
rather than intercede for men, I often pray against them, all for my own name’s
sake. Know ye not what the
scripture saith of Elijah? how he maketh intercession to God against
Israel Rom 11:2 (web) I am so quick to tell you and others how they have wronged me, and
misrepresented me. I have not practiced appreciating others in your presence.
Be merciful to me, O God, because of your constant
love. Because of your great mercy wipe away my sins! Ps 51:1 (GNB). I have
kept revival away, struggling to sit on the donkey with you as you ride
triumphantly into the city. My clothing should have lined the road, my palm
fronds laid ahead of the animal, but having loosed men from bondage, I struggle
to ride them into the city rather than leave them at your feet for you alone to
mount. Yet your word clearly says the lofty looks of
man shall be humbled, and the haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, and the
LORD alone shall be exalted in that day Isa 2:11 (KJV).
Have mercy upon me o God! May my heart ever be your throne alone.
Mightily increase always in me, let me greatly decrease. In Jesus’ name I pray!